Black Hole
May contain traces of nut
Transcription of a clip from BBC Radio 4's "Relativity" S2E4:
Characters: Ken; son-in-law Pete; Pete's sons Nick and Mark. I might have mis-attributed some of the lines, but it hardly matters...
[door bangs]
K: Hello there, it's only me - Grandad - are the boys in?
P: We're in here Ken
K: Right-ho
M: Hello Grandad
N: Hiya Grandad
K: My iPad's stopped working again.
N: Has it *really* Grandad?
K: Yes, it has.
M: Are you sure?
K: Yes! Don't take that tone.
P: You have been a bit of a boy who cried wolf before, Ken, or rather the old man who cried "my iPad is broken" when it was just turned off!
K: Not so much of the old!
[M&N snigger]
K: This time it's a genuine problem. I'm trying to send an email to Ian Hudson, from the committee for the new pavilion - do you know him?
N: Er, no
P: Is it important that I do?
K: No, but he's a good guy. Anyway, the email's not sending, and I can't print it can I - there's nowhere to plug the printer in...
M: And you don't have a printer [M&N snigger]
K: Yeah, that too... I'm gonna have to put the iPad in an envelope, and post it to Ian Hudson so he can read it [giggles off], and include a stamped addressed envelope so he can reply and send it back! And they said the Internet would make things simple.
N: It's not broken, it's on airplane mode.
K: You're British, Nicholas, not American - I think the word you're looking for is "aeroplane".
N: But it's called "airplane mode"
K: It's called "aeroplane mode"
N: Look: "airplane mode"
K: That's how they get you, bit by bit - don't walk into the trap... "aeroplane". We invented the language.
P: To be fair, they invented the airplane.
K: AEROPLANE!
P: Well, it's just "plane" now isn't it? Nobody calls it "aeroplane"
K: I do! I call it an aeroplane, and I call it aeroplane mode - whatever it is
N: It's a setting you go to when you're on a pl... aeroplane
K: This cost five hundred quid, I wouldn't take it out of the house let alone on an aeroplane
N: You don't actually have to be on a...
P: Hey Ken, Ken - I put my phone on airplane mode and it told me to stop calling it Shirley! Ha ha
N: Why?
K: Why were you calling your phone Shirley?
P: Well, it's a joke! Have you not heard of Airplane!?
K: How many times... it's AEROPLANE!
P: No it's not - that's the name of the film. You must have heard of Airplane!!
N: No
M: Is it one of those films where they turned off the colour?
P: Argh - it's not that old, it's from the Eighties
N: So, forty years old, more or less
M: That's pretty old
N: mm
P: It isn't THAT old... oh god it is... oh christ!
Characters: Ken; son-in-law Pete; Pete's sons Nick and Mark. I might have mis-attributed some of the lines, but it hardly matters...
[door bangs]
K: Hello there, it's only me - Grandad - are the boys in?
P: We're in here Ken
K: Right-ho
M: Hello Grandad
N: Hiya Grandad
K: My iPad's stopped working again.
N: Has it *really* Grandad?
K: Yes, it has.
M: Are you sure?
K: Yes! Don't take that tone.
P: You have been a bit of a boy who cried wolf before, Ken, or rather the old man who cried "my iPad is broken" when it was just turned off!
K: Not so much of the old!
[M&N snigger]
K: This time it's a genuine problem. I'm trying to send an email to Ian Hudson, from the committee for the new pavilion - do you know him?
N: Er, no
P: Is it important that I do?
K: No, but he's a good guy. Anyway, the email's not sending, and I can't print it can I - there's nowhere to plug the printer in...
M: And you don't have a printer [M&N snigger]
K: Yeah, that too... I'm gonna have to put the iPad in an envelope, and post it to Ian Hudson so he can read it [giggles off], and include a stamped addressed envelope so he can reply and send it back! And they said the Internet would make things simple.
N: It's not broken, it's on airplane mode.
K: You're British, Nicholas, not American - I think the word you're looking for is "aeroplane".
N: But it's called "airplane mode"
K: It's called "aeroplane mode"
N: Look: "airplane mode"
K: That's how they get you, bit by bit - don't walk into the trap... "aeroplane". We invented the language.
P: To be fair, they invented the airplane.
K: AEROPLANE!
P: Well, it's just "plane" now isn't it? Nobody calls it "aeroplane"
K: I do! I call it an aeroplane, and I call it aeroplane mode - whatever it is
N: It's a setting you go to when you're on a pl... aeroplane
K: This cost five hundred quid, I wouldn't take it out of the house let alone on an aeroplane
N: You don't actually have to be on a...
P: Hey Ken, Ken - I put my phone on airplane mode and it told me to stop calling it Shirley! Ha ha
N: Why?
K: Why were you calling your phone Shirley?
P: Well, it's a joke! Have you not heard of Airplane!?
K: How many times... it's AEROPLANE!
P: No it's not - that's the name of the film. You must have heard of Airplane!!
N: No
M: Is it one of those films where they turned off the colour?
P: Argh - it's not that old, it's from the Eighties
N: So, forty years old, more or less
M: That's pretty old
N: mm
P: It isn't THAT old... oh god it is... oh christ!